December 1, 2009

He was the perfect man, cultured and an artist in his own right.  Fiercely proud of his african ancestry and loyal to maintaining knowledge of the ancestors.  He quoted Langston and Zora like scripture and made music from is heart manifest in the ears of thousands.  He travelled in circles I only heard or read about and visited countries I’d only seen in pictures.  He became a legend in my mind…..but He never let me love him.

He was an honorable son who sat vigil by the side of his dying mother , a son who held his father in high regard and sacrificed to ensure quality of life as the aging man lived on without his wife.  He was the brother of a difficult sister who may have resented his “shine” but he loved her anyway and would risk his gifted hands….hands that made his living to perform a mechanical task she had no man of her own to do……but He never let me love him….

He was the father of children who did not yet recognize the deep love and commitment he poured out on their altar of indifference month after month….year after year…the father who refused to let go or forget that his blood pumped through their veins and their birth certificates held his name…..so he wrote a child support check he could not afford every month and he drove hundred of miles to witness the milestones of their lives and he endured the humiliation of hearing them call another man daddy……but….He never let me love him.

We spent hours talking and looking into the others heart.  He once told me that talking to me was like his soul was eatin ice cream….He was like peanut butter to my jelly…I called him “Mokosi” which means King.  He confided that if he were a King I would be his Chief Advisor………I realized that he did not say Queen…..so I moved on and Loved another because he “Crowned” me.

I promised that I would write about a “Good Man” in installments so here is where I’ll begin..last Installment I shared how many times women sabotage our chances at love because we are looking at only outer qualities and we miss the inner qualities such as kindness….devotion….openness…..well another way we sabotage our chances at love is we accept the role of Comforter, Advisor, Encourager, etc……without being crowned as his Queen.  We stay in situations with men who are unavailable to us….sometimes they are unavailable because they are too emotionally damaged from previous life experiences, sometimes they are unavailable because of the season of their life they are in…ie focused on career accomplishments, focused on adventure and excitement….or maybe they are unavailable because they are immature and have not yet realized that women and children are to be the receivers of their protection and provision and they are still child like in their desire to be a taker only and not a giver…..perhaps they are unavailable because they have a drug and alcohol problem or uncontrolled anger and rage issues….or maybe they simply don’t have you in mind for that role of Queen in their life.  Whatever the reason for his being unavailable to you, it is up to you to believe your eyes and not just your ears….It is up to you to honor your own opinion and estimation of the condition of the relationship….if it is hurting somethingg is wrong….Pain is a powerful agent of  warning and even change. Pain tells us that somethin is wrong, Pain tells us something is out of balance and Pain tells us that attention and care of ourselves is needed.  Without pain a situation can silently kill you…so wether you are a woman or a man if you are experiencing pain because the object of your desire is unavailable to you you have to ask yourself not just is this a “good man” or a “good woman” is this woman or man “good” for me.    Now if you are married and your spouse is unavailable to you I believe there is a process of prayer and working that must be attempted to remedy the situation…never easy to endure but seeking to please God requires we put sincere effort into our marriage…..but to those who are unmarried yet subjecting yourself to heaps of rejection you get to decide when you have had enough and what you really want Read Proverbs 21 and focus on verse 15 …..more to come on the subject of a “Good Man”

Loving you like a mamma,