A Good Man

I recently came across a very sincere post from a young man that gave me pause for thought.  I actually posted it again here for as many ladies as possible to read….I’ll let you read it and then I’ve got lots to say….

Nice Phat Kid

We have all heard the saying nice guys finish last. Well were does the
nice phat kid finish? That has been the story of my life. I’ve always been a
big kid, some would even say phat. ( I spell it that way because I’m still
in denial about my weight) At the same time I have always been real
athletic, have you ever been to the park and saw that phat athletic kid on
the basketball courts, well my friends that is me. Being the nice phat kid is
very annoying and depressing at times. Back in high school I had about 6
crushes. It was more like puppy love. So I began to be friends with these
girls and time after time I got the false sense that these girls liked me in the boyfriend kind of way, so like any other man I attempted to take the relationship to next step. To my surprise each time I was hit with the your like my brother line, or my all time favorited your like a big teddy bear.Girls dont want Teddy bears they want the Bad Boy. Mean while my boys were straight assholes to girls and yet they pulled mad girls. As a teenage boy that shit is frustrating, you want a girlfriend you know, you want girls to like you and in my case it just wasn’t happening, why because I was nice and phat.

It wasn’t until recently that I felt comfortable with myself. Growing up I always
 wanted to be the little dude. Even in sports I have always favored with
the short quick guys instead of the guys who are built like me. In
basketball I thought I was a point guard, in football I thought I was a
Wide Receiver. I have always been the big “Nigga” when me and boys go out,
with being that big “Nigga” that meant I was the one who would go to club and not
get any females, or even get a dance, seeing this happen to me time after
time has left me lacking a little on the confidence side. It’s tough when you see your friends get all the girls. It”s  even tougher when you”re  the only one not in a relationship you start to feel like your just ugly and that stings, it actually hurts the heart. You begin to forget the qualities that make you who you are. For a period of time I forgot about my smile(its a great smile by the way). I forgot my sense of humor, I forgot my swag, I lost what made me “Boogs”. All because of what alot of women call attractive or fine. Well you know what I’m not trying to make alot of women think I’m fine, my goal is to make that one Woman think I’m fine. When that day comes that I meet that Woman, she will get everything That this Big Nigga Boogs has to offer.

There are times when I wish I could be that skinny asshole who gets all the Girls but thats just not me, I was raised in an all woman household. So I know the right way to treat a woman, so that’s why I’m nice to women and don’t disrespect them, I guess that makes me a nice guy, In America its taboo to be phat or overweight so with that being said we all know that attractive women are not going to be fucking with phat boys it just not heard of very often. Its not that i have trouble with women it that the type of women that i am attracted too are not trying to fuck with me. I tried to be an asshole and be a jack ass to women but it not me, it not who my mom raised me to be. Being the phat nice kid is who I am and I wouldn’t change it for anybody, my time is coming. Just remember PHAT BOY IS SUPER COOL.  

 I purposely did not edit the curse words or anything that this young man said, because I think it truly shows the hurt and frustration that he is feeling….So often as a woman I am mindful of other womens feelings, but I think sometimes I forget that men have feelings too…..they can be really good at hiding them and even don a fake bravado or the guise of a “jackass” but they are not immune to rejection and heartache.  I think we have created a culture of extreme narcissim where people are constanly valued and devalued for genetic qualities as well as financial accomplishments.  I can remember being that girl in the club, that was so insecure about what her friends might think that I turned down less handsome guys who sincerely offered the fun of a dance.  Time after time I fell in love with the “bad boy” the “ladies man” “the playa” and looked over the friend who listened to my sob stories and brought me soup when I had the flu….or the nice geeky guy who visited me in the hospital when I had my appendectomy…he did n’t care that I did not look fly in my hospital gown, he cared that I was going to be okay.  You see it wasn’t enough that they guy liked me…he had to be fine enough to make my girls envy me…and have enough money to make my family proud of me and……hard enough to make other men intimidated..Now mind you I never verbalized these requirements I don’t even think I was concious of them for many years…but after several failed relationships and over years of raising children alone  I met a man who was not  handsome enough to make my girls envy, he did not have enough money to make my family proud and in this society’s eyes his value is suspect…..  You see I went over the list I had of what I wanted in a man and I realized that in the end I want someone who loves me enough to bring me soup, listen to my sob stories and who will sit with me when I am in the hospital……and I am fighting daily to not let the media, the family or even my own thoughts make me  forget  what I  truly  value and desire in a man….the best gifts don’t always come in the prettiest package…. this is a topic I will be sharing more about so stay in touch.

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2 Responses to A Good Man

  1. Anglea
    I always knew that you where a powerful speaker but this blog as captured my inner essences of my ministry! This is awesome what you are doing truly and deeply awesome! hey email me at this email i would like to send you an invite to my site! Keep on sharing sista! ALso God has given me a group that is in the birthing stages called DIVAS (Divinely,Inspired,Victorious,Assured Sistas and i wanna give you some more info on the vision would love for you to be apart of it.

  2. Mary Jordan Lynch says:

    Angela I really enjoyed reading this article because men don’t like to admit to their fears or short comings. This is a beautiful site just like the person that created it. Keep up the good work and thnx for being a good friend and person. God bless you Angela.

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